The True Confessions of a Bridezilla

So they say that before every big life event it's normal to have weird dreams. Well I wish mine would stop because the lack of sleep is taking it's toll. Last night I had not one but two bizarre dreams.

The first was a typical recurring dream of me being pregnant. (Trust me, I'm not and it's not happening for a while) I don't know why I keep having this dream but it just keeps happening. I must have had the same dream about four times this week. The dream is basically Lucas talking about the baby (in my dream I don't even know I'm pregnant.) It's always him talking about the baby. Weird, but moving on because it's just not happening.

I want to have a baby when we're both ready and we plan for it. Babies are not leverage or bandages for relationships..They are needy living breathing things and not an accessory you can leave at home on a late night (oh and taking your baby out with you doesn't really make it any better. You can't necessarily tell the bouncer "Well ya know he's on the tit' now so I pretty much take him any where I go) Plus, I don't want to be the pregnant lady at the bar.

Second weird dream was a dream I had with my dad at my wedding. I guess I've been having this one since I invited him. To give you the background on that my dad and I no longer have the greatest relationship. To be honest I'm not sure we even have a relationship none the less a 'great' one.

Growing up my dad was the best dad a kid could ever ask for. He played and joked with us all the time, he took us out every weekend on new adventure it was always about boating or go-karting. It was always something fun. Basically my mom had not four kids but five. My dad being the biggest. We had a nice family but somewhere along the line and mostly when his three baby girls weren't such babies anymore and rather teenagers things changed.

It wasn't fun anymore and I guess it freaked him out that we grew up. For a control freak losing control is the worst thing that can possibly happen to you. Point is we no longer really speak.

I'm not sure exactly why I invited him to my wedding because I know the chances of him going are pretty slim to none. I guess I did it so I can have closure. If something were to happen to him I know I extended my hand and made an effort. Now I wish I could just get him out of my head and dreams.

Last night I dremt that he had gone with me to my dress fitting.

Anyways, enough of being the girl with daddy issues. I never meant to blog about him or anything else sad or morbid.

Call me cold but it's how I cope.